last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
