I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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