wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
