Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
