been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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