There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
