apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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