if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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