I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
