youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
