I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.