Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?