playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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