I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
