Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
