3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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