I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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