there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
