weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
