someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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