Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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