And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
