i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She announced her abortion via fbk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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