The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
