i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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