Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
