i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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