if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
