Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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