Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
