take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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