the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
