Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
