Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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