I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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