i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
