I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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