this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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