at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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