There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
