I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
