We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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