There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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