Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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