No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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