Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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