you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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