The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
BRING THE BAGELS
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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