when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
