u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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