This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
