sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
