the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I AM VODKA MAN
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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