Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
