my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
