why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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