I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
not ubering you a puppy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
