I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
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The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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