About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
